Tuesday, May 26, 2009
This Hitchcock drama begins with a German U-boat bombing an American ship. As the ship goes down in the opening shots, we see a fabulously dressed Connie Porter (Tallulah Bankhead) adrift in a lifeboat, filming everything for an article she wants to write. She is soon joined by other survivors of the blast, including an engineer, a steward, a nurse in training, a woman with a dead baby, and even the captain of the now sunk German U-boat. They drift together for weeks. But despite what you may hope for, and despite the fact that there are so many pros to eating a number of the characters, no one even considers eating anyone else in Lifeboat.
Connie Porter: Apparently the actress is a diva just like her character. Probably wouldn't taste so good, but it might have been good to get her and her complaints about losing her luggage out of the way.
Kovak: So annoying. From the moment he steps on the boat he is arguing and wanting to kill or abandon other survivors. Eat him.
Gus Smith: Not so tasty. Gimpy leg, eventual gangrene. Ick. "What good's a hepcat with one gam missing?"
Mrs. Higley: She sadly jumps off the side of the boat and drowns herself after the death of her baby, is attached to the boat by a rope, and they cut her free. Did no one think to save her for later?
Mrs. Higley's dead baby: Inappropriate to comment.
Alice MacKenzie: Do not eat. She's a nurse. More valuable to have her alive.
Stanley "Sparks" Garrett: Could never have been eaten. The actor, Hume Cronyn went on to star in Cocoon and Batteries Not Included. Too important to eat.
Joe: Token wise black character. Plays a mean flute and prays...too valuable to eat.
Rittenhouse: Too sinewy. Probably not a good first choice of a meal.
Willy (the German captain): Oh, definitely to be eaten. He was trying to bring the boat to a German supply ship from which they would all surely have been sent to a concentration camp. And he had secret supplies he did not share.
But as I said, no one gets eaten. For tales of cannibalism, skip Lifeboat and take a Criminal Law class in law school.