I'm No Angel (1933)

Well that was confusing... It is definitely a one star movie, but I just clapped at the ending. And not because it was over, but because I was laughing hysterically.

This movie raised a lot of questions for me:

Why was it not a bigger deal that when Tira (Mae West) was caught entertaining a rich man, her jealous co-worker showed up, hit the guy over the head, and the two of them left the man for dead in the hallway? It seems this was just a minor little mishap that created a need for Tira to make some more money.

"I think he's croaked."

"Where am I gonna put a stiff in this joint?"

"Put him out in the hall."

What did Tira's fortune teller think of her plan to make more money in the circus (she's in the circus!) by sticking her head in the lion's mouth during her lion act? She carries around an astrology booklet and seems to read it every morning, yet the new act seemed pretty impulsive.

"I'll even stick my head in the big cat's mouth!"

"Say, if them lions don't show some sense, I'm goin' down there and bite her myself."

Was Mae West really sticking her head in a lion's mouth? It sure looked like it. Where did the movie studio get all of those lions? And why can't I find a picture of them?

Why does Mae West include "Mmm-mm" at the end of almost everything she says? Character or actress? I suppose it goes well with phrases such as:

"When I was born with this face, it was the same as striking oil."

"Crazy for me, the guy's a pushover for me."

"I'll tell you this much. You're gonna like what I have in mind."

It also does go quite well with spritzing perfume all over one's self while singing, "No One Loves Me Like That Dallas Man..."

When on earth did Jack Clayton (Cary Grant) fall in love with Tira, and how did I miss it?

Jack arrived 49 minutes into the movie, and then 1 minute later they were talking marriage. The entirely unbelievable romance makes it impossible for me to give this movie more than one star, no matter how many ridiculous scenes made me laugh. The unbelievable romance and the cringe-inducing scenes with her black maids, that is.

Very important question: If David had been watching the final court scenes of the movie, in which Mae West saunters around the court room "Mmm-mm-ing" and cross-examining witnesses, would it have been more useful than the studying he was doing on his own for the bar?

And why did I not wear a crown at my wedding?

I will only see this movie again if Amy watches it with me. I'm not sure I would laugh as much seeing it a second time alone. Story and screenplay by Mae West.

Kiss and Make Up (1934)

Oh no no no! Not a good Cary Grant movie!

Cary Grant plays the dashing Dr. Lamar of the famous Dr. Lamar's Temple of Beauty. Having given up his scientific ideals after medical school, Dr. Lamar is a cosmetic surgeon and beauty specialist who promises to help all women achieve "the pink and white complexion that is every woman's birthright." Should I mention that these words are spoken as we watch a black African woman and her two daughters sitting on the floor of their tropical home and rubbing Dr. Lamar's suggested face cream all over their faces?

Of course all of the women in Dr. Lamar's life are desperately in love with him, from patients to secretary Annie, played by Helen Mack. One woman who is in the office to inquire about a procedure for her mother even strips down to her slip when asked before admitting that she is not in fact a patient. Dr. Lamar's beauty ideals and the female "masterpieces" that he has created around him blind him to the beauty of "normal" women such as Annie. Annie can't be bothered to powder her nose, and she is actually capable of getting dressed in 15 minutes, "zippers permitting."

Dr. Lamar's real trouble begins when he falls for a married patient. Mrs. Caron has been visiting him for a very long time, much to the displeasure of Mr. Caron (Edward Everett Horton). Mr. Caron is horrified by the transformation his wife has undergone and threatens, "Doctor, put my wife back the way she was when I married her, or I'll take steps." Mr. Caron does not want his wife back the way she was because of his great love for her, though. He finds her to be too high maintenance now and is also adamant that a beautiful wife will be surrounded by lovers. "Do you realize what the husband of a woman like that is up against?" At first Dr. Lamar resists all of Mrs. Caron's advances (because of course the woman is trying to trap the poor innocent man).
"Are you so professional with all your patients?"
"No."
"Then why am I so...honored?"
But when Mr. Caron finally divorces his wife, Dr. Lamar very quickly marries her, "his masterpiece." For some reason Annie remains enamored with Dr. Lamar through all of this, even when he ditches her in his apartment, where she is taking dictation for his book, to run off to meet his gorgeous former patient Mrs. Caron.

Dr. Lamar and his new wife go off on their honeymoon, bringing Annie along so that she can continue to take dictation for the book. Of course Mr. Caron is also at the honeymoon resort celebrating his new freedom. Who does he fall for? Annie.
Possible best exchange of the movie, after Annie meets Mr. Caron while swimming...
Dr. Lamar: You allow men to pick you up in the water?
Annie: Why not? I weigh less there.

Of course Dr. Lamar realizes that he cannot make it to dinner on time with a wife who needs so much primping time. And of course he is horrified by the tasteless food she eats. And of course he is disgusted when he sees her in her face mask at night. I'm sure you can guess the ending of the movie. But do you know what funny animal is featured in the unnecessary high speed car chase leading to the end? Watch if you want to find out. (Or read the labels at the bottom of this post...)

One star. I may someday end up seeing it again, though, because of the fact that I own it in a box set. A previously unmentioned reason to maybe see this movie is that there are a few songs involved. Less of a draw is the ode to corn beef and cabbage sung by Annie and Mr. Caron. More of a draw is the song that Cary Grant sings twice about "Love Divided by Two."

She Done Him Wrong (1933)

When we first meet Lou (Mae West) she is wearing a hat that looks like a giant Wooly Bear caterpillar. She is crass, she likes to invite men to "come up and see me anytime," and all the men want her. And she gives people the scariest looks.

This movie has it all: a saloon, an omnibus, giant hats, puffy petticoats, a whole lot of crooks, a very young Cary Grant with lots of eye make-up, and hard to understand accents. Lou sings in a saloon. She's having an affair with the owner, but Chick, a dangerous crook in prison, thinks she's waiting for him. Lou seems vaguely interested in every man who crosses her path, but she is becoming especially interested in Captain Cummings (CG), the mission director from next door. He's a different sort of man. Why he has any interest in Lou is more confusing. But he does.

When Chick breaks out of prison we get to worry momentarily about who Chick will knock off for revenge.   And we also wonder what has happened to the sweet young woman who tried to kill herself in the saloon because of a failed love affair. Last time we saw her the lady crook Rita was asking her, "Can you sing and dance? Have you ever heard of the Barbary Coast?" And who and where is the Hawk, a new detective in town everyone is worried about? And what do these crooks do? After 49 minutes I still wasn't sure what they were all trying to pull off. Lucky for me, someone else had more of an attention span for this movie and was able to decipher the intricacies of the plot:
http://www.doctormacro1.info/Movie%20Summaries/S/She%20Done%20Him%20Wrong.htm

Anyways, once I understood the plot points I'd missed, I was able to enjoy it when Rita caught her man assistant giving her diamond brooch to Lou and declaring his love...
...leading to more drama.

But do I really believe a Cary Grant character would fall for a Mae West character? Sorry. One star for brave hat wearing and drama. But I don't think I can give more stars to a movie that couldn't hold my attention or belief. Sorry again.