Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

Here is a movie so unbelievably wonderfully bad that I have had to re-watch large portions of it two times in under a month to share it with my dad and my boyfriend.  All lovers of bad science fiction MUST see this movie.  I've just learned that this was in fact used in an episode of Mystery Science Theater! Perfect.

Oh, where to begin?

The children of Mars have no real childhood.  From the time they are born, information is piped into their little heads, so that they are really like mini-adults, seemingly with no emotion (although that could have been due to the quality of acting).  When we first meet the Martians, we learn that the children, in need of childhood as they are, have become addicted to Earth tv, especially to broadcasts about Santa Claus.  Concerned Martian leader, Kimar, calls together the Martian council and goes off to talk to the wise and creaky elder Chochem.  Once Chochem explains the detrimental effect of not having a true childhood, the council decides that the thing to do is... go to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus!

I should take this moment to mention that the photo above is indeed of Martian children.  Green face paint and antenna on your helmet designate you a martian in this movie.

When the Martians land on Earth they meet and capture young Betty and Billy Foster, who tell them that Santa lives at the North Pole.  The children try to escape to warn Santa, and much drama ensues, involving terrible acting by the Foster children, silly antics of the Martian Dropo (their resident idiot?), a narrow escape from a man wearing a really bad polar bear costume (meant to be a polar bear), and a final capture by the cardboard robot pictured below.

Santa is captured and brought to Mars, along with Betty and Billy, where he immediately inspires the Martian children and begins to manufacture toys in a factory made for him by the Martians.  Santa chuckles a lot.  Dropo continues to be silly.
Conflict boils over, however, when the evil Voldar, who has been grumpy about the plan to bring Santa to Mars all along (grumpy to the point of having made an attempt on the lives of poor Santa, Betty, and Billy!) sabotages the toy factory and tries to kidnap Santa.  See how angry he is below?

I will go ahead and ruin the ending for you.  All works out well, the Earthlings get to go home, and Dropo becomes the Martian Santa Claus.

One star for my favorite scene involving Santa Claus's brilliant escape from an airlock on-board the martian ship.  It is worth seeing the movie just for this scene.  I am sure that I will someday see this movie again in its entirety, and there are so many people in my life who may soon need to be subjected to at least a few scenes.  So convenient that it is an "instant" movie on Netflix!

Forbidden Planet (1956)

Just one more classic sci-fi movie for now... I've got "Penny Serenade" patiently waiting in its Netflix envelope. I thought I had never seen "Forbidden Planet," just heard about it, but I was wrong. Turns out all it took was seeing the first few scenes to make me remember most of what was going to happen. Three stars, I suppose, but I may not need to see it again.

Our hero Commander Adams (Leslie Nielsen) is the head of an expedition sent to find out what happened to a group of scientists on a distant planet. As Adams and his crew head toward the planet in the lovely craft seen below, we get our first taste of the "electronic tonalities" that invade the entire film. While I was very entertained by the idea of "electronic tonalities," I sometimes wanted to laugh at them and sometimes wanted to mute them.



Adams and his crew discover that there is one scientist remaining on the planet... Dr. Morbius. Dr. Morbius tries to warn the crew away, eventually telling them that he is the lone survivor of terrible attacks by an invisible monster nearly 20 years ago. Dr. Morbius lives alone on the planet with his scantily dressed daughter Alta ("Ann Francis stars in Forbidden Planet") and their charming robot Robby researching the alien Krell, an incredibly advanced society that used to inhabit the planet and experiment with the power of their minds. Men flirt with and take advantage of Alta, Adams and Alta fall in love, Dr. Morbius becomes more and more grumpy, the invisible monster returns and is able to cross through a forcefield to rip good men to shreds... What will become of them all?

Some words about Alta:
*Like Snow White, she can call animals to her and speak to them. Even the tigers are her friends.
*She is not at all shy about going for the guy. While meeting several members of the crew she remarks, "Of course the two end ones are unbelievable."
*She is a semi-fashion designer. "What's wrong with my clothes? I designed them myself?"


Actually, it turns out that Robby is the real designer. Alta tells him her ideas, he makes suggestions, and then he goes off and creates the stunning items. Five stars for Robby. He is polite, helpful, and incapable of hurting humans.

Possible best line: "My evil self is at that door, and I have no power to stop it!"